at times

it's a blessing to be able to express and describe and capture life and its beauty. a pity not many people fully comprehend the power of that ability. this is more evident in the place i live where people focus on many things that really mean nothing in the end. i find myself more frequently thinking "what's the point". but if it comes to that, then there's really no answer for me.

i am envious of those whose gift flows freely. for me it takes much effort and more often than not, it ends up in frustration and nothing comes out of it. i try and i try and i try. i embarrass myself. i care too much. a song, a picture, a poem, a simple tune.

this leads on to many thoughts that make me sad. am i like everyone else who are trying not to be everyone else. sigh. i tend to shut down here.

you have no idea what i'm saying haven't you. i make my point.

The Moments I Remember

I look upon my previous entries with acute/chronic nostalgia. It is hard to accept that life will never be like so again. It's only been less than 6 months and yet it seems like images from another life long past. I yearn and I clamour for freedom neverending and alcohol overflowing - to have the days pass unknowingly and feel a private kind of happiness at being able to wake up beside my best friend, my darling love, for I know I love her in the morning when she's still hungover and I love her in the morning when she's still strung out. Our love is louder than words.